Let me explain the month of May...

Every May, with the exception of last year, I make the yearly trip to White Bird with my best friend Dawn to visit her son's grave. Little Garit Charles was born overdue on May 2, 2001, exactly 6 months before I had Jordyn. On my birthday that year, a mere 4 days later, I got the call no one ever wants to hear. Garit had a birth defect which went undetected by everything. To sum it all up, he had twisted bowels which were not noticed until it was too late. Yes, he could have had surgery upon surgery and MAYBE survived another couple years but my friend decided to make the most un-selfish and hardest decision any mother could make. She did not want her little "angel baby" to live in pain and spend what years he might have in a hospital bed without ever knowing if any of these surgeries would fix the problem so, she let him go. I got the call around 9:00pm on my 22nd birthday. Garit survived past midnight but that doesn't make me remember my birthday very fondly.

Fast forward three years to my 25th birthday. Jeylin was only 2 months old. Brad was home that day and thought he would be a great husband and let me sleep in. I remember hearing the phone ring and later found out it was one of my parents. They told Brad they would call back and so, I didn't let it bother me. A little while later, the phone rang again. This time, Bradley brought the phone in and told me I had to take this call. It was my cousin Stacy. He was calling to tell me that our Grandfather had taken his last breath that morning. Oh Happy Birthday yet again! My Grandfather had been sick for several years, suffering from emphysema. We were all surprised honestly that he withstood the disease as long as he did. Even though we had a lot of time to prepare for this, it didn't make it any easier. That day was spent in tears and ended with a trip to Grangeville.

This year, I was celebrating my 30th birthday! I dreaded it for so long but now realize how foolish that really was. The day started off as any normal day. Being a Wednesday, I had to work...yucky! At 11:00, Brad came and took me to lunch at Red Lobster...very awesome since he really dislikes the restaurant. It was a nice lunch and afterward, I went back for a couple hours of really boring work and then it was off to the gym. I left the gym at 3:30, came home and jumped in the shower. We really didn't have much planned for that night because Jordyn had a softball game and I too had a double-header. We were actually hoping the rain would hold out so they would get cancelled and we would be able to go hang out with our friends. Unfortunately, the rain let up and a new dark cloud took it's place. I was on the phone with my friend Anne planning for our auction duties that week. My cell phone rang and seeing that it was my mom, I tossed the phone to Bradley to have him answer it. After saying his usual..."What's Going On?" greeting, his face went pale white, he stood up from the couch and proceeded to walk into the kitchen. This was not good. I told my friend that something was terribly wrong and I had to go. When I got off the phone, I heard Brad telling my mom to come over to our house. At that point, he hung up the phone, walked back into the living room and told me the fateful news..."Your Aunt Sara died!" I was so caught off guard and dumbfounded that the only response I could say for the next several minutes over and over again was "WHAT?". I couldn't even cry because I was in so much shock! How could this be true? She wasn't even sick?

My Aunt Sara was 54 years old. She had two biological children, my cousins Stacy (mentioned before) and Missy who had just celebrated her 29th birthday the day before. I stress the biological because my Aunt Sara had many "non-biological" children throughout the years. She owned her own in-home daycare for the past 27 years. She touched many lives and was even caring for kids of the kids she had watched in the past. That day, my Aunt was home watching four young kids...those that weren't old enough to be in school during the afternoon. She had just made them lunch and then went to sit on the couch because she wasn't feeling very well. She never stood back up again. One of the mother's came by at 3:00 to pick up her son and was told by the kids that "Gramma Sara" was sleeping on the couch. After seeing my Aunt, she immediately knew something was not right. She called 911 and then my cousin. An hour and a half later, was when my mom had called me. She was gone. Completely unexpectedly and left us all in a state of shock. Five years to the day, she went to be with her dad.

For various stupid reasons, our families had not been close for many years. This was just the reason to end all that stupidity. Life is too short and if I had one more day with my Aunt, I would have told her that I loved her. She left behind her husband, Neil who is also battling his own illnesses, my cousin Stacy, his wife Abby and their two boys, Cameron and Cal. My cousin Missy, her husband Kobi and their son Leighton. Missy is also due in September with baby #2. My Aunt Viv, her younger sister (who is battling breast cancer) and her children, Clint and Spencer. And of course, my Dad, my Grandmother and us. No one can prepare you for what comes with an unexpected death. At least with me, there was a period of denial...like I kept waiting for the "Punked" crew to jump out from behind the bushes. Then, the guilt of all the things left unsaid and all the years spent in feuds that were incredibly pointless. And lastly, the grief came in waves. One minute I would be "dealing" and the next I would start bawling over the simplest things. I can't even imagine what her own children are going through. We had five days together reminiscing her life, her laugh, and her caring nature. As a family, we decided that we weren't going to wait for another tragedy to hit this family before we finally started acting like a family. On Mother's Day, we had a private family viewing and had a chance to say our farewells. I told her I was sorry that we hadn't spent more time together and that I loved her. I told her that if I was wanted, I would help watch over Missy, and then, I told her goodbye. Yesterday, we had her funeral. It was beautiful and there were so many people who came. It was nice to see that she had many people who loved and cared for her. It was also on this day that we received the results from her autopsy. I'm hoping I am listing this right but it was "Lethal Arrhythmia". Pretty much, her heart skipped and that was it. We now had the cause and also know that she felt no pain and basically just went to sleep.

For those of you who read this and already knew of this story, thank you for all your thoughts and words during this hard time. Thanks for the Facebook messages, the cards, the food, the flowers and the presence of your love. Please continue to pray for her children and grandchildren that the healing process will be speedy. Please pray that our families heal together through this tough time. And please pray for my Aunt Sara that she is where she needs to be....watching all the children in Heaven....oh and getting on Grandpa's nerves :) Oh and for the record, Missy and I are going to start celebrating our birthday's in JULY!!!!